Clint parsed

[clintswan]

In reference to my prior post concerning myself...

I have very nearly always been the odd man out.
Read : short, geeky, braces, corrective glasses, weak, skinny(then fat), gay, pale, bald, friendly to all, friend of none, intelligent,
uncool, fashion unconscious

But oddly enough, I seem to be in the middle of "popularity", "attractiveness" or "attention".

This dumbfounds me.

I have had several IM conversations with my friends (some of them here) concerning my self image. All with both of us leaving scratching our heads.

I can (and do often) step outside myself and look at myself and associates with an objective eye. When I do this, it always seems like a game of "one of these things doesn't belong" like on sesame street.

I really don't think I hate myself.....really. I just call a spade a spade.

I will admit for feeling sorry for myself. I do apologize for that.

I thank those that went out of their way to comment. I helps and hurts. Pity is such a sorry place to be.

Thanks for listening.

-Clint

Comments

[drewan.livejournal.com]

*One is glad to service you.*

Ok... I had to say it. Bicentenial Man is one of my favorite Asimov stories, and even the movie was pretty good, though very different from the short story.

Regarding attraction and self image:
Is this what the bear community is? Just all the guys that everyone else thought was to fat, to hairy, to old, to... to... to...? Are we our own little version of the Island of Lost Toys? Do we call each other hot and woofy because it makes ourselves feel better?

I don't know. All that I know is when I see a hot man, who is usually a bear physical type, my heart beats faster and my balls tighten closer to my body. This is how I feel when I look at your photos.

I wish that I lived near Dallas so that I could show you exactly how beautiful you are to us.

AAAWWWW!

[blueeyedbear.livejournal.com]

I have to say that I echo what he said,, and Drewan,, you sound like a real sweetie!!

It's not pity.

[randomcub.livejournal.com]

It's lust. Honest.

[penguininbondge.livejournal.com]

I missed the post, but personally I have never looked at someone for their surface values. I realize I’m straight, and also that I’m ugly as a mutherfucker, but I really don’t care what I look like, or the people I like looks like. I see farther than that. When I look at someone, I don’t see fat, gay, bald, ugly, I see a person. That’s all. What they care to do with that is up to them. If they decide introversion is for them, then that just makes me seeing who they are harder.

Clint, I like you dude, you are my friend. If someone thinks you need to change to make them feel better, tell them to go fuck themselves.

[andrew-jp-reyes.livejournal.com]

Fuck you. The only person I pity is Will, aka xanaducub, and that's cause he's just pathetic and useless by choice. You are hot, sexy, intelligent, queer, honest, introspective, willing to help others regardless or benefit or worth and HOT!!!

Love you, not quite as much as Dave and not in that sick stalking way, but love you!!!

::hugs::

[sohipithurts.livejournal.com]

Hey Clint. Don't think you know me. But we have mutual friends on live journal. You sound like me today. Just thought I'd drop in, give you a smile and tell you you're handsome. Listen to your friends. I listen to mine. HUGS

[theatresumthing.livejournal.com]

I think it's an interesting question. I was the chorus and band geek in school. And this year I was a finalist in a Bear competition. While at the same time I was being criticized in certain circles for attempting to lose weight. The reason for trying was not any outside source. I had seen pictures from my brother-in-law's wedding, and I did not recognize the person in them that was supposed to be me. So I cut back and lost the weight.

I think the answer is this. I will dispute the very idea that you are ugly, and from what I can see in your picture, you hardly look obese. If you're having those feelings because of outside influences, screw them. If your weight is concerning you because it's concerning you, then I would hold your hand and caesar salad myself to death with you to help you acheive any goal you were setting for yourself.

And if you are happy, that makes you the most attractive kind of man in my book.

[tbear00.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of us are taught at an early age to feel badly about ourselves-we are never smart enough, athletic enough, attractive enough, popular enough, etc. We learn it and self-maintain it throughout our lives unless we realize what it is and choose to unlearn the behavior, which is very very difficult.

I have had and continue to struggle with the same types of feelings you describe. Luckily, I knew someone for a few years that convinced me that there are other ways of looking at myself, how I feel, my life and relationships, etc. And there are. Its difficult to ignore or unlearn those feelings, but you can.

You are attractive, intelligent, and likable. And I understand all too well how much you read that and discounted each compliment. Hopefully you will choose to believe what so many of written about you. Life is too short to be miserable. Besides, we are right and you are wrong!

*hugs*