Stop the world, I wanna get off.....

[clintswan]

I had a good birthday weekend. Practically the best in my life. Why? Because I think I am coming into my own.

This weekend during the contest I didn't care whatsoever if I won anything. I really didn't care at all. I had been in the thing for 4 years now and knew that I wasn't the "right" look or something. *shrug*

Then the bomb dropped.

I was actually shocked yet saddened at the same time. I was now a chosen person. But as far as the people in the crowd I was chosen for my looks. (read : wrong reason )

I have prided myself with having people in my life that were not "pretty" by mainstream beardom. I like them for who they are not how they look. But when I look around all my friends that were chatting with me seemed to be only the "pretty" ones.

I hate that.

I have actually cried several times ( titty baby moments I know I know...) these few days. My emotions are all a jumble.

I met a man that lives far away in San Diego. He is sooooo sexy and that is because I met him online IM'ing and didn't get to look at his outside but only in his inside. *sob* one of the truly beautiful men ever. I didn't want to have sex with him at all. I wanted his arm on my shoulder. I wanted his hand in my hand and I wanted ....shit I don't know what I want.

I met quite a few fellas this weekend. I'll not name them because I leave one out ( *grin* Dave Dave Dave Mike Zach-Moose Matt Sean Eddy Jeremiah etc.....)

By far the best weekend of my life because of them.

I think that may be the reason I'm sobbing when a sappy commercial comes on TV.

And even now I have had the BEST time reading all the LJ stuff guys have posted.....laughed, cried, and reflected....

I am tapped out now....I have to stop and pull myself together....

As a last line I would like to admit that the Tiara my next door neighbor gave me is the best thing ever....

Beauty knows no pain I've always joked....

guess I'll have to work on that one

this puny mortal is outta here

Comments

The beauty of honest emotion...

[fathermoose.livejournal.com]

Clint,

Unfortunately, the bear contests are beauty contests. However, that doesn't mean that you did not deserve to win. You are a very attractive bear/cub. But I want you to know something. Your entry here is a great testament to the fact that you are even more than a beautiful person on the outside. You are a beautiful person on the inside. And that, my friend, is of greater importance than physical looks.

You have a wonderful insight that stands out like a beacon in the night because you "get it." Beauty is transitory. Inner light and spirit are not.

I would have come up and talked to you, but I was dealing with my own tramua of having to defend my choice in entering the contest against the one-celled creatures that chose to verbally attack my choice.

I will be adding you to my friends list because you have shown me a side of yourself that I want to get to know better.

You are, my friend, a gift from G-d.

Re: The beauty of honest emotion...

[clintswan.livejournal.com]

Thankyou very very much!!!

I love you guys!

yeah, so this is off-topic...

[fyve.livejournal.com]

uhm, do you have "Extreme: Three Sides To Every Story" in your cd collection? i just love the line in that song... "stop the world... i wanna get off..." in a good way. not an evil one :)

Re: yeah, so this is off-topic...

[mattycub.livejournal.com]

That CD rocks! Actually, all of their stuff does, IMHO. Nuno Bettencourt is one of the most underrated guitar players around.

Re: yeah, so this is off-topic...

[clintswan.livejournal.com]

nope.......I am so mainstream....

The Moose said it well....

[mattycub.livejournal.com]

But I'll say it again anyway. It is soooo very refreshing to hear from such a cutie who actually gets the very simple fact that what we are on the inside is so much more important than what we look like on the outside. So much of the bear scene can be focused on the outer - but the men who are most attractive and beautiful to me are the ones who have depth of spirit inside. Your comments above prove you are one of those. You may agonize a bit about the meaning of winning a beauty contest and worry some about having so many other pretty people around you - but the fact that you are questioning these things at all means you are a big step ahead of the game.

Welcome to LJ, Clint. Nice to have you here.

**HUGS**

Re: The Moose said it well....

[clintswan.livejournal.com]

Thankyou so much!

WOOF to all of ya'll!