Stop the world, I wanna get off.....

I had a good birthday weekend. Practically the best in my life. Why? Because I think I am coming into my own.

This weekend during the contest I didn't care whatsoever if I won anything. I really didn't care at all. I had been in the thing for 4 years now and knew that I wasn't the "right" look or something. *shrug*

Then the bomb dropped.

I was actually shocked yet saddened at the same time. I was now a chosen person. But as far as the people in the crowd I was chosen for my looks. (read : wrong reason )

I have prided myself with having people in my life that were not "pretty" by mainstream beardom. I like them for who they are not how they look. But when I look around all my friends that were chatting with me seemed to be only the "pretty" ones.

I hate that.

I have actually cried several times ( titty baby moments I know I know...) these few days. My emotions are all a jumble.

I met a man that lives far away in San Diego. He is sooooo sexy and that is because I met him online IM'ing and didn't get to look at his outside but only in his inside. *sob* one of the truly beautiful men ever. I didn't want to have sex with him at all. I wanted his arm on my shoulder. I wanted his hand in my hand and I wanted ....shit I don't know what I want.

I met quite a few fellas this weekend. I'll not name them because I leave one out ( *grin* Dave Dave Dave Mike Zach-Moose Matt Sean Eddy Jeremiah etc.....)

By far the best weekend of my life because of them.

I think that may be the reason I'm sobbing when a sappy commercial comes on TV.

And even now I have had the BEST time reading all the LJ stuff guys have posted.....laughed, cried, and reflected....

I am tapped out now....I have to stop and pull myself together....

As a last line I would like to admit that the Tiara my next door neighbor gave me is the best thing ever....

Beauty knows no pain I've always joked....

guess I'll have to work on that one

this puny mortal is outta here