ok, i don't understand life...ok....ME

[clintswan]

was complimented several times today online

then several times when i went out for a bit

not "i wanna be in yer pants" kinda comments

just matter-of-fact comments, repectful and friendly

i don't understand

when i hear/read comments like this i have to suppress the need to flee

god i wish i understood myself

------------------

logic is my refuge, my heart is my enemy

------------------

what a time to lament MY life

at least i have water/food/home

Comments

[mikiedoggie.livejournal.com]

It can be hard accepting compliments, to this day when someone compliments me on anything my initial reaction is to apologize for fooling them.

[satarnion.livejournal.com]

I felt the same way when I was a kid. Some theories, possibly either or both (or, of course, neither!):

1. A compliment is a gift. When someone gives you a gift, you become indebted to them. You don't like being indebted to people, so it makes you want to run away.

2. For me, it was that my mode of acting was based on a subtle feeling of martyrdom and modesty. That is, the way I valued myself was on how much I sacrificed myself to others without thanks. When people complimented me, it felt like they were screwing up my plan, sucking my personal value away and replacing it with their own. I didn't believe in their own system of value because people could so easily lie when they complimented. If I sacrificed and asked for nothing in return, I could always be sure of my value as a person. A compliment was too complicated, too easily faked, too often given with ulterior motive. I was torn between wanting to accept the compliment gracefully and wanting to punch them in the face to ensure that I kept myself modest and self-sacrificial.

[jamesfowler.livejournal.com]

Compliments are kind things. accept them and respect the person giving it to you.

You don't get you because you are a silly drama queen like all of us, dramaqueen. ;)

Have a great day!!!

JJ

[detailbear.livejournal.com]

For me a child, a compliment only came from my parents, which didn't count, or if someone wanted something from me. The pattern carried forward into adulthood. In peer counselling, I was asked, "When you give a compliment, do you mean it?" That was the first chink in the wall. First time in a room full of bears was the second, but the wall didn't fall until I had my first boyfriend.

Some habits are really ingrained.

[stereobare.livejournal.com]

I'm not a fan of "i wanna be in yer pants" type compliments. More times then not, those come from people I have no desire to get into their pants.

The "matter-of-fact" one's are nice. I don't want to flee, but I do want to change the topic.

complimenting me on something I've done goes much further then any other kind of compliment.

[quirkstreet.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my experience and my take on this is similar to what satarnion and detailbear have said. When I was a kid, I got a LOT of compliments from adults, mostly for stuff I hadn't really earned, like being smart. At home, I got more criticism than compliments. So I got in the habit of believing that people who praised me were just people who didn't know any better. :)

And later on, I worried that people were giving me a gift I couldn't reciprocate.

So, you know, hugs. It's something that can take time to work out.

um...

[bearpawly.livejournal.com]

Mayhaps this is the wrong time to comment about how I'd really like to meet you sometime. I've grown tired of NOT meeting you.