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Jul. 27th, 2002 08:41 amquite a few of my friends are doing the "ask me anything" posts.......hmmmm
I did that already!
I did that already!
Jul. 27th, 2002
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
Jul. 27th, 2002 12:07 pmPAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't
you people see the plain truth in front of your face?
The chicken was going to
the "other side." That's what "they" call it the
"other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.
I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out
this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes
with seemingly harmless phrase like "the other side."
That chicken should not be free to cross the road.
It's as plain and simple as that.
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into
question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the
road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on
it.
RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many
more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not
only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your
important documents, and balance your checkbook and
Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do
you mean by chicken"? Could you define "chicken"
please?
GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample
him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto
the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the
chicken crossed the road, And there was much
rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
A peek into my world...
Jul. 27th, 2002 01:42 pmYou might work in an ER if...
you have the bladder capacity of 5 people
you encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't have to deal with them any longer
you threaten to strangle anyone you even starts to say the "Q" word when the ER is remotely slow
you believe that 90% of people are poor excuses for protoplasm
you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis
you take it as a compliment when someone calls you a dirty name
you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the eternal care unit
you refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as a "smurf"
you have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably
you have ever referred to the ER Doc or triage nurse as a "shit magnet"
you have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience
you refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group
your idea of comforting a child includes placing them in a papoose restraint
your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change
you find humor in other people's stupidity
you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a valium fountain
you ever had a patient say..."but, I'm not pregnant; I can't be pregnant; how can i be having a baby?"
You believe that the waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset..."you have had the pain for 3 days?...well wait out here and we will get to you in 3 days...."
you believe a "supreme being consult" is your patient's only hope
you have thought OD instead of BBQ when asked to get the charcoal
you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants
your feet are flatter and slightly tougher than Fred Flintstone's
your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard
you can identify the "P.I.D. shuffle" at a distance of 15 feet and the "Kidney stone Squirm" at 20
You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots"
you stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth when they cough
you don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history because you can fill it out from memory yourself
you can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio
you believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce
you have the bladder capacity of 5 people
you encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't have to deal with them any longer
you threaten to strangle anyone you even starts to say the "Q" word when the ER is remotely slow
you believe that 90% of people are poor excuses for protoplasm
you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis
you take it as a compliment when someone calls you a dirty name
you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the eternal care unit
you refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as a "smurf"
you have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably
you have ever referred to the ER Doc or triage nurse as a "shit magnet"
you have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience
you refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group
your idea of comforting a child includes placing them in a papoose restraint
your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change
you find humor in other people's stupidity
you believe the waiting room should be equipped with a valium fountain
you ever had a patient say..."but, I'm not pregnant; I can't be pregnant; how can i be having a baby?"
You believe that the waiting room time should be proportional to length of time from symptom onset..."you have had the pain for 3 days?...well wait out here and we will get to you in 3 days...."
you believe a "supreme being consult" is your patient's only hope
you have thought OD instead of BBQ when asked to get the charcoal
you get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants
your feet are flatter and slightly tougher than Fred Flintstone's
your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard
you can identify the "P.I.D. shuffle" at a distance of 15 feet and the "Kidney stone Squirm" at 20
You've ever had a patient with a nose-ring tell you "I'm afraid of shots"
you stare at someone in utter disbelief when they actually cover their mouth when they cough
you don't have to ask "frequent flyers" any medical history because you can fill it out from memory yourself
you can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio
you believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce